Thursday, December 11, 2008

Mothers are the True Survivors

Does anybody out there still watch that reality show Survivor?  I've never been a fan, but I've got an idea for a new Survivor-like series, a spin on the original one.  This one would pit sixteen mothers against each other to see WHO is the ultimate Survivor of the trials and tribulations of motherhood.  But unlike the TV show's remote locales, oh, just for the fun of it let's make it a different kind of island.  Like Rhode Island.

To start things off the host would say something like this:  "Okay, Survivors.  Your first challenge is to change a dirty diaper.  You must change the diaper in three minutes or less, while the baby is crying, kicking and squirming.  And rubber gloves are NOT allowed.  Ready? Set? Go!"

The moms who fail this first test get booted out of Rhode Island.  The ones who accomplish this messy task can move on to the next challenge.

"Okay, Survivors.  Your next challenge is to get this red-faced, screaming baby to STOP crying.  And whiskey in the baby bottle is NOT allowed.  You have ten minutes to accomplish this task.  Survivors ready?  Go!"

Once again, the moms who fail this test get booted out of Rhode Island.  The ones who persevere will move on to the next challenge.

"All right, Survivors.  You've managed to do what others could NOT do.  I'm very impressed.  But more challenges lie ahead.  Now we move on to toddlers.  Ooh, I hope you are all up to this daunting task.  You must get this two-year-old child completely dressed, to practice using the potty, stop playing with blocks, back on the potty again, into a snowsuit(yes, I know it's 80 degrees out, but...) and strapped into a car seat in less than twenty minutes.  Survivors ready?  Good luck!"

Now, in all likelihood, at this point there will be only a handful of moms left to compete.  The others get kicked out of Rhode Island.  Those still remaining will move on to the next challenge.


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