The expression "here and now" just popped into my head. It's the title and one of the songs on my son's band's new CD, but it's also meaningful in other ways.
Some people get stuck in the past, reliving either sad or happy times in their minds or in their hearts all through the year. They can't let go of these memories, can't put them to rest. Now sometimes it's good to hang on to memories; they really are part of the fabric of our lives. It's when these memories hover over us like dark clouds that problems may arise. We all need to move forward since that's the way we're meant to go.
I've been trying to focus on ways to make this Christmas special and meaningful, as I always do, but every time I come across a photo of my mom I think about what's missing this year. I know I should focus on the "here and now", but I'm having trouble with that. She won't be here to share the fun and laughter, the hugs and kisses, the family togetherness we've always enjoyed. I hope she's smiling across from Dad up there in heaven, maybe looking down at us as we're opening our presents. It's not the same as having her here, but it's a nice image to draw upon.
There's a song by Amy Grant that sums up some of my feelings quite nicely. In a song called Heirlooms, she describes being up in the attic, going through old boxes and finding "letters and photographs, yellowed with years, Some bringing laughter, some bringing tears. Time never changes the memories, the faces of loved ones who bring to me all that I come from and all that I live for, and all that I'm going to be...My precious family is more than an heirloom to me."
So my "here and now" is different, it changes with every passing year, and all I can do is try my best to make it as good as I can. Each year we seem to lose someone, and our family grows smaller. I think that makes us grow closer because perhaps we need each other more.
We do have the addition of my sister's granddaughter who has just turned a year old. This year will be her first real Christmas and I know she'll help everybody feel like a kid again.
So we will make some new memories this year and keep our lost loved ones close in heart.